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  1. Chapter 126: PIE (Chapter title - From Pride - cross out the r and d -to Pie)
  2.  
  3. Soldier: NO! You were two days away from retire-
  4. Hange: To be fair... Erwin killed a lot more corps as a commander
  5. Soldier: Yeah... that's on me... She's barely hiding
  6.  
  7. Hange: Levi... I may have by accident sewn your right eye shut...
  8. In my defense, I have bad depth perception...
  9. And now... so do you
  10.  
  11. Hange Lightning
  12. Levi: I have a BRILLIANT IDEA
  13.  
  14. Levi: So I propose this
  15. We Kill Monke
  16. Win-win, right?
  17.  
  18. Magath: Shouldn't we focus on Eren right now considering...*pan to the titans*...THAT
  19.  
  20. Yes but on one hand, I will get to avenge my boyf... late friend
  21. And on the other you get to kill yet another Eldian
  22.  
  23. Magath: You drive a hard bargain. But Eren is also an Eldian And killing him will stop the rumbling
  24.  
  25. Hange: We think that if we were to kill Zeke, Eren will lose power of the founder, as zeke has royal blood
  26.  
  27. Pieck: Sounds like you are jumping to conclusions... I mean... Do you even know anything about his titan?
  28.  
  29. Hange: Of course I do... It is... BIG?
  30.  
  31. Hange: So join us and we can *Levi gets shot* LEVI!
  32.  
  33. Magath: Yeah you eldians are full of shit...
  34. Commander Hange Zoe, you are under arrest for crimes...what...
  35. Optional: Levi: You think a bullet to the head will stop me?
  36. Levi: So, I ask again... Kill Monke
  37.  
  38. Jean: I can't sleep, I am full of guilt
  39. Mikasa: I can't sleep, I am full of sad
  40. Annie: I can't sleep, Hitch keeps pulling the blankets away from me.
  41. Reiner: Amateurs... I've learned to sleep through the pain
  42.  
  43. Gabi: BEHAVE OR I WILL TURN EVERY SINGLE HORSE TO GLUE
  44. Armin: You're just like Eren...
  45.  
  46. Connie: "Ha - Connie you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn"
  47. Yeah... I am aren't I...
  48. This will be my funniest punchline ever... Ha... hahah... hahahahaha
  49.  
  50. Falco: Oh Boy, thank you for taking me on a field trip Mr. Connie, Sir...
  51. I never got to do that in Marley...
  52.  
  53. Also I heard you laughing a lot last night...
  54. Did you remember a funny joke?
  55. I wanna hear it...
  56.  
  57. Connie: Oh... You wouldn't get it
  58.  
  59. Falco: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
  60.  
  61. Connie: That's my mom
  62.  
  63. Falco: Oh... you... have her eyes
  64. Connie: (Thanks)
  65.  
  66. Armin and Gabi: FALCOOOOOOOO GET AWAY FROM THERE
  67. YOU DON'T GET TO PROPOSE TO ME AND THEN JUST DIE
  68.  
  69. Connie: GET BACK ARMIN... WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY
  70. Armin: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?/ I GUESS... WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
  71.  
  72. Connie: IT MEANS FALCO GOES BYE BYE
  73.  
  74. Armin remembering Erwin: PLAY THE OBJECTIVE YOU SCRUBS!
  75.  
  76. Armin: Gabi... Tell Annie... I said Hi
  77.  
  78. Connie: Oi... oi oi oi oi oi
  79. What are you planning Armin?
  80. Armin: This *jumps*
  81.  
  82. Connie: Armin you idiot
  83.  
  84. Falco: Colt... Galliard... I hate myself and everything about me...
  85. Gabi: It's Ok Falco... you ARE going through a midlife crisis
  86.  
  87. Connie: No... I was not really planning on feeding him to my mom...
  88. Did you think that I am that cruel?
  89.  
  90. Armin:... I still can't believe that it was just a joke...
  91.  
  92. Connie: It's how I use to cope
  93.  
  94. Connie: Besides... My mom doesn't even like eating bird...
  95. Ha ha ha ha
  96. ARMIN: THAT'S THE PUNCHLINE?!?!?
  97.  
  98. Oh you came to see me?
  99. Mikasa: I am from the Take-a-wish foundation.
  100. Don't you mean the Make-a
  101. Mikasa: No, give me the scarf
  102.  
  103. By the way...
  104. Your new haircut looks too boyish
  105.  
  106. *Mikasa grips the scarf so much that she starts bleeding*
  107.  
  108. *Picture where they are clearing the rubble - next to the guy who is swinging a (pickaxe?)
  109. "NOO I AM STILL ALIVE DON'T KILL ME"
  110.  
  111. FLOCH: YES WE MAY HAVE KILLED MOST OF OUR MILITARY LEADERS AND FRIENDS
  112. AND WE MAY HAVE HAD SOME DISAGREEMENTS BETWEEN US
  113. SOME ENDING IN DEATHS/TITANIZATION
  114. BUT MY MASSIVE - PATRIOTIC - FREEDOM - BONER IS WILLING TO LET BYGONES BE BYGONES
  115.  
  116. Hey Mikasa, want some coderoine?
  117. Floch just legalized it as his first decree
  118. Mikasa: Not really
  119.  
  120. Oh come on, Jean took some:
  121. Jean: Dude... where is my Face?
  122. At least the pain is gone...
  123.  
  124. Armin: So you're saying that Reiner goes to sleep for a few days at a time?
  125. Gabi: Yeah, honestly, I am kind of worried for him...
  126. Falco: T-thank you for n-not feeding me to your mom, mr connie, sir
  127. Connie: Don't sweat it, Kid...
  128.  
  129. Connie: So, Armin... if Annie is out of the crystal
  130. What are the odds of meeting her?
  131. Gabi: Ain't it great being alive, Falco?
  132. Armin: Considering everything... I am coming up with...
  133.  
  134. (Pan to Annie)
  135. Armin: 32.33%... chance of
  136.  
  137. /And then they had a very emotional reunion where both sides talked about the difficulties they've faced. They were able to understand each other as they all had gained a wider view of the world. While they could not give forgiveness for all the damages that have been done, they decided to work together for their common goal. Feelings were laid bare, tears were shed and at some point Armin fainted from the emotional overload. Sadly, we cannot show this, as Isayama-sensei was too busy looking at Attack on Titan memes and shitposts./
  138.  
  139. Hitch: Annie, I got you your favorite... Oh No... Not Again
  140.  
  141. Annie: Hitch... You were my 3rd most favorite person in the world... Eren kind of dropped out of the ranking due to... recent events... Goodbye <3 [A poorly drawn heart] (p.s. Sorry, I've never drawn a heart before)
  142.  
  143. Hitch: ... Why does everyone leave me?
  144. Pie, you won't leave me, will you?
  145.  
  146.  
  147. Floch: TODAY WE GATHER TO EXTERMINATE EVERYONE WHO IS ANTI-ELDIAN.
  148. YES, THE EXACT REASON WHY THE WORLD WAS AFRAID OF US.
  149. BUT WHO CARES, THEY'LL ALL BE DEAD SOON
  150.  
  151. Floch: ROPE-KUN, ANY FINAL WORDS?
  152. Yelena: Zeke-senpai...where are you?
  153. Floch: And what about you, you beautiful man?
  154. Onyankopon: HAHAHAHAHHAA
  155. This reminds me...of a very funny joke
  156. Do you know... The Aristocrats? *Jean shoots*
  157. Onyon: *thinking* Well, i have tinitus now
  158. Floch: Jean?
  159. Jean: It's not a very good joke
  160. Floch: But... i wanted to hear it
  161. FLOCH
  162.  
  163. Soldiers while chasing Pieck: HEY DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK IT WAS A DUMB IDEA FOR /ABSOLUTELY NO ONE/ TO BE WEARING THEIR ODM GEAR. BUT IT TAKES LIKE 10 MINS TO PUT IT ON... THAT'S EXACTLY WHY WE NEED TO HAVE PEOPLE EQUIPPED WITH IT, YOU DAFT CUNT... THE GARRISON FUCKING SUCKS
  164.  
  165. Connie: Four guns shots.
  166. Mikasa: That's either Jean or the cartels are fighting again.
  167.  
  168. Annie: Hey Shadis is watching us
  169. Armin: How do you know that it was him?
  170. Annie: Well he is the last alive bald guy we know
  171.  
  172. Jean: ...does this count as my first kiss...
  173.  
  174. Hange: Please I promise to be very good... Just put me in your mouth for like 3 seconds
  175. Pieck: For the last time, No
  176.  
  177. Onyankopon: Jean... Why would you do this?
  178.  
  179. Jean: *singing to the tune of Hansen - Yearbook*
  180. Cause I'm looking through the yearbook
  181. Then I find that empty space
  182. There's a name without a picture
  183. But I can't forget his face
  184. Tell me, where did he go, I want to know
  185. Where did Marco go...
  186.  
  187. Onyankopon: Jean, I don't know that song... But I'm moved
  188.  
  189. Yelena... Thank you for saving me...
  190. Hange: Oh no... don't thank me... really *Panning to shadis with bloodshot eyes*
  191.  
  192. WAKE UP REINER
  193. Reiner: hUH.. ANNIE?
  194. /AND THEN REINER AND ANNIE HAD AN EMOTIONAL... no they didn't, Annie, genuinely hates him/
  195. *ANNIE KICKS HIM*
  196.  
  197. Reiner Smiling: You Guys
  198. Connie: Reiner
  199.  
  200. Reiner: What's going on?
  201.  
  202. Connie:
  203. We are going to have a talk with Eren...
  204.  
  205.  
  206. (Bonus: Floch is confused about his sexuality due to Yelena wearing a beard, script TBD)