hey
sorry for having u read this but you can simply toss it away if are not interested.
I had a role model of a guy that was always positive but i decided
something along with "i wanna be this guy too". and thus i tried to be wholesome throughout my stay in chat.

one issue with me is that i truly have no confidence and hate myself.
i hate my voice, im ugly and so on.. A wolf in sheep clothing. I can never be satisfied of who i am. 
i was super honored when Dare asked me to be a mod but i never thought of myself i will be a good mod, rather i will
also be a burden a lot. But I still wanted to be positive and tried my hardest to please everyone

After Dare donothon I felt to myself i had betrayed Dare for not showing up often.. to a point
i felt like i could potentially be hated by Dare.. and with a downward spiral that I am convinced that im bothering everyone.
i am just clingy and everyone else is just being polite and stnad out for me. For that i have been sick to a point i wanna vomit
i also felt extra bad over not able to contribute and take part of whatever happening in Minecraft server..

yesterday I did even more unforgivable that not only I had betrayed Dare - I also betrayed Rin. That I can't absolutely not forgive myself
and am ashamed of showing myself, and as Rin is correct I am spineless and taking the easy way out. i'm really sorry for bothering - and even more now. 
Knowing Rin she will probably be like "Good riddance, KannaSip" But even now I think of Rin as a really precious friend that will probably hurt me even more for doing this
but thats a punishment I deserve, and will never forget.