i truly had no idea what was coming for me. but it was always meant for me.

my creativity as a flower, it sings in full bloom, despite the grey thickets of branches that coat the forest and fill the world with gloom

i remember when i felt starsick, like soon it would all just be a memory, too impossible to ever reach the stars

those early days. all those firsts. i hold them in my chest. that's where we live.

my cup runneth over with sense of metaphor, confusing and musing over various metamours. empathize time away, only heartfelt wind makes me sway.

when no one is watching, i am observant, a considerate servant. i am mindful and thoughtful. i reflect into my own pool, narcissus at her most compassionate.

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” Albert Camus

coronavirus changed all of us. society became like a movie or a too-long netflix show that you don't understand why it keeps getting renewed when your favorites like glow & the society & santa clarita diet got canceled. it changed me, brought me closer to who i truly am and there were points where i truly thought that was too much to even comprehend. but again and again, we become anew. we adapt. we change, no matter how much we long to turn away, because we must, because we have that power. change is still coming.

wow, you made it! that's impressive! i just wanted to make a fucking book, because what else is 2020 good for? memories. i have so many of them, even if i'm sure they'll be repressed at some point, but so many of you are so many of them. thank you to everyone who made it a year that got me closer to who i want to be, the woman i am destined to become, with your words & patience & love & kindness. i have so much to be grateful for. there is so much coming. and now that we've had a moment for me, here's a moment for you.

• what's one of your best playlists of 2020?
• what should we name our baby? we're getting impatient! entertain us!
• what's a moment you want to get lost in forever? past, present, future, or make believe
• what's your favorite song from evermore? mine's ivy
• what's a habit you have? good or bad
• have you worshipped our lord & savior, lana del rey, today?
• what's your favorite song out of all of these?