SkellSwelto09/16/2020 oh so you went ahead with it anyway ATG09/16/2020 I told you to stop several times but you insisted on continuing. You'll be let out in 3 days. Have a good afternoon or evening depending on what time it is over there. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 whatever helps you guys feel better about yourselves ATG09/16/2020 Being a smartass isn't going to help you. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 by the way it shows that I can access the bot channel, I assume that isnt supposed to be the case? ATG09/16/2020 No. Thank you for pointing that out, I'll fix it now. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 no problem also since I did you that favour, can you do me the one favour of that if people start asking about what happened to me, you not just turn it into a gossip session like people on this server like to do? like just make it straight to the point or tell them to just ask me themselves in DMs? ATG09/16/2020 What's fair is fair, so noted. Bekabee09/16/2020 skell got muted too?? not wearing my glasses im starting to think im right EY SKELL first of all welcome to jail we have cookies and juice and we can have a tea party later second, dm me, something tells me we got some stuff to talk about c: dm me whenever you're awake i dont wanna dm you first and wake up you so whenever you see this just slide in my dms SkellSwelto09/16/2020 By the way, it still shows the bot channel for me Bekabee09/16/2020 shhhhhh nobody looks in here cause they assume im going on a angry rant it's like a window in the jail cell Miguel09/16/2020 i'm looking in here right now lol Bekabee09/16/2020 shhhhh miguel you're the cool guard the one who like gives us a fist bump when we walk by or lets us have contraband SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I dont get why its still visible Bekabee09/16/2020 i wonder what the longest time you can stay in here is a week probably just call for help in the bot chat lmao maybe somebody will sneak us a file and we can file our way out of here AWWWWH DUDE YOU COULD OF BEEN A MOD AND BUSTED ME OUT SkellSwelto09/16/2020 what? Bekabee09/16/2020 id pay you back with uhh idk lmao dont worry about it so guys how much longer do i have in here also!!!! i passed my test! :D SkellSwelto09/16/2020 nice Bekabee09/16/2020 ya bitch over here with a learners permit gonna start driving school real soon UwU SkellSwelto09/16/2020 thats good Miguel09/16/2020 you've got about a little under 2 days left Bekabee09/16/2020 yea i forgot to say the other day what was it 4 days? that's way too goddamn long but i dont care either way i only even looked in here today cause i saw skell got thrown in here too ATG09/16/2020 You were supposed to get 5 but a previous deal cut you a day. Bekabee09/16/2020 honestly, because i dont think any of you want me to message you in dms atg probably has me blocked id be shocked if she didnt im just gonna stop being active in the server because it has problems and alot of them but i wont go into that so in order to keep stress out of my life im just gonna go back to what i did before and just post art sometimes and avoid the chat im sure you'll all be much happier and so will i honestly so much less drama had no idea a simple cartoon discord server could make so much trouble lmao Miguel09/16/2020 You weren't ever supposed to get 5 lol also just focus on what you wanna focus on if that's what you feel you should do Bekabee09/16/2020 yea i have met some really nice people here ATG09/16/2020 Also I never blocked you. Arudan09/16/2020 Might as well quit drawing then and everything right? Since everyone here, some knd people think im trash, and everywhere else thinks im an ass. so why the fuck should I do my career and yes im gonna go there, seems like my rep is fucked as it is so whats the point LOL Miguel09/16/2020 idk, I don't really know anything about your career and never said anything about it you can continue if you want though man Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 I haven't even been a mod for very long and even I see there's a problem (in that one situation, I mean, not overall, whatever you're talking about) Like I don't know everything that happened before, but that's not the point. That's not why you got muted, so I'm not gonna get into all that. Like... I can see that you're a straightforward and honest dude, sometimes brutally so. Sometimes a little brutal honesty is needed, but there's a time and a place. You just gotta exercise a little care towards others! It can't always just be tough, tough, tough plus those discipline jokes weren't necessary either Like I said before, you gotta read the room. Arudan09/16/2020 this place is what grew me online Miguel09/16/2020 anywho, three days that's all else I have to say on it Pablo09/16/2020 same. Arudan09/16/2020 and seeing that this is how Im treated here honestly breaks my heart like If I left it, it would crush me. But whatever. three days thats gonna be gone soon so k Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 im not trying to be harsh, im just trying to give advice more than anything Arudan09/16/2020 ik you are Pablo09/16/2020 Well honestly Arudan if you listened to what we are trying to say to you right now, everyone would be a lot easier. Arudan09/16/2020 I doubt it, Ive been treated bad a lot and after I "changed" myself I still get shit after im unmuted, idk what to say about here at this point. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 the fuck Arudan09/16/2020 mind your business SkellSwelto09/16/2020 yall being very noisy here Arudan09/16/2020 then mute it bye SkellSwelto09/16/2020 you're a very pleasant person Arudan09/16/2020 Im a very fed up person with here now piece, be back in three days ladies and gents SkellSwelto09/16/2020 why couldnt have someone more fun been muted then I'd have someone else to hang out with Miguel09/16/2020 don't worry, Beka will be back soon SkellSwelto09/16/2020 maybe my time was 3 days too right? or was that subject to change? Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 sigh Miguel09/16/2020 Nah it's 3 days still or rather 2 days at this point SkellSwelto09/16/2020 yeah that adds up also I can Still see that bot channel is that something that just cant be fixed? Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 Do you mean bots or bot-fun? SkellSwelto09/16/2020 bot fun the channel it shows up for me Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh~ SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I could probably type in it if I tried but I imagine that would scare the mods Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 Boy, I dunno Lemme take a look I guess settings weren't set up since that channel is relatively new compared to the others SkellSwelto09/16/2020 thats what I figured oh! its gone finally Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 :JennyThumbsUp: Miguel09/16/2020 bruh I was over here thinking it was #bots the whole time SkellSwelto09/16/2020 wait really? Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 Haha, you silly son of a BITCH :dededelaugh: :dededelaugh: :joy: :ok_hand: SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I dont even remember a channel called just "bots" Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 Wingnut, goofball, knucklehead mcspazzatron Ah don't worry about it SkellSwelto09/16/2020 well now all there is to me is this muted channel as I imagine was intended Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 Indeed, indeed Sooooooooooooooo... I suppose yall can chat since you have each other as company? Or not, only if you wanna SkellSwelto09/16/2020 well arudan doesnt like me much, especially considering they were one of the people who got me in here in the first place Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 then again i dunno if idle chit chat is allowed :shrug: SkellSwelto09/16/2020 and beka would probably just talk to me in DMs Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 Ah that's fine as well SkellSwelto09/16/2020 so unless some of the cool people also get muted this place will probably be pretty quiet Arudan09/16/2020 you guys are right. Im not fine. Im not at all. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I gathered as much Nonnie Moose09/16/2020 skell let's not please SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I just find this whole situation kinda ironic Arudan09/16/2020 ive been bullied all my life, constantly dragged down. I honestly want to die. I tried back in middle school. I should of done it. All I do is push people away by my rudeness is because im scared. ALL I DO IS HURT OTHERS! ALL I DO IS HURT OTHERS! ALL I DO IS CAUSE SHIT! I WANNA. I cant.. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 is there someone you can see? like a therapist? Arudan09/16/2020 I see one, but its not enough! I just wanna be heard. But im so scared SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I think right now you are in a vulnerable spot, maybe you feel like everyone is against you and you have had to lash out to survive Arudan09/16/2020 Thats what the hell ive been doing!! my biggest fear is abandonment SkellSwelto09/16/2020 do you think this server is having a negative impact on your health? Arudan09/16/2020 no. Its me everything all my life since 2014 to now Like why the fuck you guys still like me? Im a piece of shit. I did this to everyone TRAFON09/16/2020 This has been something many of us have been trying to get through to Arudan for a bit now, but he's been in denial about himself and what he's needed to do. Miguel09/16/2020 You need to get help. Arudan09/16/2020 Im scared. TRAFON09/16/2020 As I said in DMs, if anyone here hated you, you'd have been gone by now... you'd have been treated like shit in general... Miguel09/16/2020 We sure as hell can't help you, frankly. You need to talk to a therapist, do something to get you out of this perpetual cycle of depression Arudan09/16/2020 I wish my fear didnt cause me to lose my role, piss people off and argue with you guys I was doing good before my depression came back It was doing good because I suppressed everything TRAFON09/16/2020 The most we can is try to provide an escape and fun for you, and be friends online obviously, try and break these patterns, but admittance of it all is the furst step Arudan09/16/2020 I shouldnt of suppressed it TRAFON09/16/2020 Surpression is not good. My friend used to do that, then it'd burst over and it'd knock them out for a month or more Arudan09/16/2020 With the nsfw sketchy shit I done, the people I got together with(tmi) everything, Its just all regrets and I never meant any of this. TRAFON09/16/2020 Good, and that shows you aren't a piece of shit Arudan09/16/2020 regrets I didnt admit to TRAFON09/16/2020 You just need to better yourself, and your social cues Arudan09/16/2020 that document thing about me I deserved that coming to me this is because I didnt admit it and I never meany any harm when I drew it. I didnt mean any form of harm TRAFON09/16/2020 In the end dude we wanted to help you, because we didn't want to kick you and make things worse, it would have solved nothing Arudan09/16/2020 Thats the biggest regret I have TRAFON09/16/2020 I know, you've been very open about that Arudan09/16/2020 I regret drawing nsfw of that stuff for money no clint. its been eating me up for two years Its my fault my KND server went down because of my actions. I just wanna go to town-hall or which is the right place soon and admit my actions and apologize I - idk what to say Im just repeating myself. TRAFON09/16/2020 It's alright Honestly dude you've needed to get this out It was quite obvious in recent chats stuffs been eating at you Arudan09/16/2020 I didnt like losing my mod role, I felt with that role I earned it but because I was stubborn I lost it. and made it worse. I do fine in other servers truthfully because people there hardly know me. This place is the only server where people know who the hell I am. and I just fucked it all up. losing the role put me in an extremely vulnerable state TRAFON09/16/2020 You didnt fuck it all up If you fucked it all up you wouldnt still be in the server You made mistakes which cost you Arudan09/16/2020 I cant have it back though, which upsets me TRAFON09/16/2020 But it didn't cost you everything Dude in the state you're in, you wouldn't want it back would you? Arudan09/16/2020 not now I have this thing where I try to finish projects otherwise I feel like I failed with my life Thats also whats killing me. If I dont finish stuff, I feel worse. TRAFON09/16/2020 Dude at this point, you would need to show us a complete turnaround for us to ever consider it again You're still here because we care, but we cannot in good faith give you a position of power Arudan09/16/2020 I know and I agree Im not in a good state right now to have it TRAFON09/16/2020 No you're not You've barely been in a good state as a general member Arudan09/16/2020 thats my fault, though TRAFON09/16/2020 Yeah, was just saying, this is why this intervention was sorely needed Arudan09/16/2020 I put myself in this position all because I didnt admit to everything. I just hate myself at this point. TRAFON09/16/2020 You dont need to hate yourself you need to improve yourself, which you can Arudan09/16/2020 its gonna take a few months before Im back in a stable condition. TRAFON09/16/2020 Then take em man, however you may need to Like honestly dude, you may need a social media cleanse entirely For a bit I feel like that and then seeking help from a therapist is the best course of action Arudan09/16/2020 I still use twitter and insta TRAFON09/16/2020 An entire sabbatical is what Im suggesting. Arudan09/16/2020 I like twitter and insta. I never have issues there sabbatical? TRAFON09/16/2020 A break Vacation You at least should probaby break from the places that haven't been healthy for you, the discord server here as an example Arudan09/16/2020 its mainly this server tbh nothing against it its mainly been here TRAFON09/16/2020 Then break from here. It probably would help More than anything else I would think, but I would still possibly seek counseling Arudan09/16/2020 I have a counselor. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 have you told them all that you have told us here today? Arudan09/16/2020 no ive been lying saying im doing okay. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 then maybe you should tell them the truth they are professionally trained to help people with these problems something most people on discord are not Arudan09/16/2020 Yeah. Ill see you guys maybe in six days. idk. I need to clear my head. SkellSwelto09/16/2020 try to talk about this with your counselor soon TRAFON09/16/2020 I dont know if six days is enough man... and yes you can't lie to your counselor You need this sorted and you need time Rushing back keeps not working SkellSwelto09/16/2020 in fact, maybe you should ask your counselor how long you should break for after you have opened up about all of this, of course TRAFON09/16/2020 Yeah, if anyone should give you a timetable, it should be a professional, dont mandate one yourself, you already tried that... many times, it hasn't worked SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I am glad that this is being sorted out TRAFON09/16/2020 Same I also told Arudan I felt his comments when we were discussing things yesterday Skell curtailed the discussion and made it spiral much worse, one of the things I hope that you really work on Arudan is jumping into convos and not reading the room, as that's what also got you muted today SkellSwelto09/16/2020 yeah thats true I felt really ganged up on yesterday Miguel09/16/2020 yeah Skell I just wanna say that i'm sorry that event ended up how it did people constantly getting involved made things way worse than it needed to be so sorry man TRAFON09/16/2020 I felt our discussion was fine when it was just us But it was also a public chatroom Eventually, peeps just kept coming in and or giving their own opinion I didn't expect it to actually go on that long to be fair... SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I mean it was all so much to handle, if things had been slower and less intense with so many people shitting on me I probably would have suggested we take it to DMs or something TRAFON09/16/2020 My DMs are open btw You could have just messaged me there if you like, or for future reference SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I mean I will certainly try to do that in the future it really sucks, as I feel like I just had my own opinion and that lead to conflict and drama TRAFON09/16/2020 Yeah, my apologies again That really was not my intention, I'm just a person who is used to discussion and even debate, and I said the wrong thing without even really thinking about how you would take it, that part was on me and I owned it last night SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I dont think you had malicious intent at all TRAFON09/16/2020 Yeah no, I didn't I never go at someone with malicious intent... ask anyone lol SkellSwelto09/16/2020 I guess its kinda a david vs goliath situation, where since you were the owner of the server you are in a position of power over me and most people just took your side and ganged up on me even though it wasnt a situation that called for taking sides TRAFON09/16/2020 Oh trust me dude I might be the owner of the server but no one here is afraid to tell me if I'm an idiot or wrong SkellSwelto09/16/2020 ha ha yeah I have seen that happen on occasion TRAFON09/16/2020 I mean if people tell me I'm an idiot, they're normally my friend SkellSwelto09/16/2020 (btw gotta do a quick scene brb in like a bit over 10 mins probably) TRAFON09/17/2020 I just am asorry the whole ordeal happened, we clearly both got frustrated SkellSwelto09/17/2020 alright I am back honestly yeah the whole situation was stupid and shouldn't have happened, and really I just got annoyed that I felt like I was being blamed for it, because it really sucks to have felt like you were being ganged up on by the whole chat and then have someone tell you that you were the one who caused all this when I was on the defensive most of the time TRAFON09/17/2020 Yeah the whole thing kinda just went off the rails, I did not expect it, you had people taking sides and others who just wanted the convo to end it was a mess Arudan09/17/2020 I still honestly feel people here aren't fond of me and it's my fault. It's not easy to move on like you guys tell me to do. I'm having a hard time moving on from everything. What am I gonna say or do when I come back in chat? I just wanna speak out what's wrong with me with everyone because I haven't and I just want to be heard. But I've been so afraid to speak out my issues that I ended up making some hate me, others look at me like trash. I just feel my rep here also is shit and it's my fault. I'm not okay. I'm not fine. This is hard to get over then said done It's eating me alive. Ptsd. I know I can't be friends with everyone, but now I'm afraid to talk because when I come in, some will think "great, arudans here..." Can you guys please let me speak out when I come back after break...? Or that's asking too much. Sorry TRAFON09/17/2020 I don't see an issue with you letting people know what's up at all, but you're gonna wanna do it at a time when general isn't on some other subject as well for interruptions sake Arudan09/19/2020 So uh.... Is this up? Arudan09/19/2020 Is the time up I meant? Miguel09/19/2020 @Arudan No, not yet you were muted in the evening so you'll be unmuted at around 6pm (CST)