1. Here I am writing again about you.
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3. https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/6mvsns/psa_ghosting_what_it_means_and_how_to_deal_with_it/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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5. After reading this, it is time to let go. The hardest part was giving up, the hardest part when your life was intertwined even with your family.
6. You dont care after leading me on by so much, you said you dont care if I have a child (which made me baffled as i do not), must be fate that the coronavirus happened and we met and get to know each other
7. your mother saying it must be fate that i get to meet your relatives, you constanly being touchy with me. I admit i was dense not to reciprocate your physical affection almost immediately
8. we were okay before you dropped the bomb on me.
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10. what my mistakes are, falling for you, saying I love you, saying you are the one. My friend even asked me if you ask to marry me tomorrow will I say Yes?
11. I quickly said no. But yeah im picturing myself with you and trying to reassure you that i plan to be your last one.
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13. Like I said, for this to work it should be the two of us agreeing. and you left me on my own with no remorse and cold hearted text only as a text
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15. Hello, sorry ngayon palang ako nakapag chat, nag iisip isip lang ako kung ano ba talagang gusto ko. These past few months na nagkaka usap tayo at nagkaka sama, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy your company, I did, and thank you for those memories. But to be completely honest with you I think there's no reason for this relationship to go any further. Sinubukan kong sakyan lahat ng trip mo, nag adjust ako just to see your point of view in terms of hobbies but to be honest it's not my cup of tea. Salamat dahil ramdam ko yung efforts na ginuguhol mo para lang makita ako, even stay as late as you can para lang makasama ako. I appreciate you for doing that, but lately nakokonsensya ako sa mga efforts na ibinibigay mo dahil di ko kayang suklian yun and I don't think you deserve that. Sorry for leading you on for this long. I hope you find someone who deserves all your effort, and I know that someone's not me.
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17. at first i wanted to answer im not demanding anything, im non chalantly just here enjoying with what I have. i wished you fully exhausted the days that you are here. but you didnt
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19. Pero what else can i do di ba? wala naman kasi with what you have said what more can i do?
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21. Here were my thoughts after you talked to guillermo and didnt want to talk about it.
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23. Like a Rat in my Chest
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25. 8 Aug 20
26. I write this letter, because I cant sleep, or I don’t want to sleep as thoughts flood my mind regarding with you and the choices I made, words I have said.
27. Di ko ata dapat sinabi na I want you for life as it takes you back and gives you control over me. Pero I just want to say it all for me not having regrets anymore. Pero because of it I might ended up having those regrets. “I love you”? no reply nagulat ka. I know you shouldn’t reciprocate things with me and i want you to be willingly do things you want. Pero an uneasiness festers deep within me. Siguro nasanay ako sa mga past relationships ko na sila yung mas nagmamahal sa akin. I wished for this one na gusto ko ako naman yung mas nagmamahal pero ang hirap pala. The only moment of me to be calm is when Im with you. I don’t want to poison you if my anxiety kaya minsan kinakausap ko si patryza hoping somewhat gives you an idea of things, of how I am. Pero in the end it just shows how vulnerable I am. I am allotting myself on you, to have control over me. Nakausap ko colleague ko, nagsend ako ng picture ng beer nun. Isang bote lang. para bang everything that I share. Disinterested ka, para bang wala kang comment about it or just simply you are not into me. Siguro I feel most calm when im with you kasi dun lang ako narereassure on how you want to be near me, how affectionate you are. Pero sinasabi mo na di ka affectionate “di malambing”. Regarding sa colleague ko, she has a verdict na either immature ka or you are leading me on. Im looking at every possibilities, angles, scenarios, im only clinging with my will to do this. Sometimes a part of me doesn’t want this weakness pero what keeps me going is that I know as long as you chose me that is enough. Masiyado ka ata nasa pedestal sa akin or maybe I shouldn’t have allowed myself to have fallen this low to you knowing I might end falling with no one catching me. I know this insecurities are killing me and you knowing about it will kill me more.
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29. When you asked for a 2 days of no talk, ive told my colleague about it. She said I was too genuine daw sayo. When I said about na I hope you are giving me of a roller coaster of an emotion of what ifs. I knew naman di ka pa sasagot nung sobrang dinedelay mo kahit sobrang late na. Pero okay lang kasi im with you, im really scared na baka one way lang lahat ng ito. Are you leading me on? Or talagang magulo lang isip mo? Either I ask you directly or only time will tell. 1st day of non-talking you informed me na you miss with me. Sobrang saya ko kaya nun. 2nd day wala as in kasi busy ka, it didn’t give you time to think. If this will give you the power to decide then by all means. Pero it is killing me talaga with this uncertainty. Sabi din ng colleague ko baka all about timing. For your age siguro di ka for settling down. Kaya I shouldn’t have mentioned na I think it is you na talaga.  I honestly holding on sa walang regrets. I want to play my cards right.
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31. Marami pa sa thoughts ko pero tinatamad na ako. Saka na.
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33. 0200H
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36. im stopping myself to ask questions kasi i dont want to beg, knowing wala na talaga. Asking patryza wtf happened. pero for sure it will reach you.
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38. All i have now is my pride. pero writing this letter offsets me of that.
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40. I honestly think you are genuine, even to this day and you just gave me a favor of not building things up anymore.
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42. Pero whatever it is i have done, if you are into me. Then i think it wont matter at all.
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44. Find someone who is sure of you. So sure that he or she will stay while you find your way into being the best version of yourself. Settle with these kind of people. They know acceptance. They choose love over imperfection and growth over past mistakes. Lastly, they love patiently. They will love you especially on your hardest days and on the days that you are being the hardest.
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46. i wish you have thought of this before hurting me. But things happened. I wish we can go back to the way it was and correct where ive gone wrong. and also called you out that im feeling uneasy.
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48. So ceeline kate david tiopengco. Here is my farewell and hopefully my last message with you.
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50. But if you think we might approach this on a different perspective we will be gaining. I hope we do it right the next time.
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52. I love you one final, and bwisit ka.