1. <div align=center><font style="font-family:helvetica neue, helvetica; font-size:13px; font-weight:100; letter-spacing:3px;  text-shadow: 1px 2px 3px #afafaf; line-height:16px;"><a href="http://cbd.insanejournal.com/12570.html">"there are years that ask questions, and years that answer them."</a><br>- zora neale hurston<div style="display:none;"><lj-cut><lj-cut></font></div>
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8. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhtMJgSfqF4" title="damn, we got a little bit crazy. wasn't expectin' you, baby. lock my heart, with a key, had to take some time for just me. worryin' about my safety, thinkin' about you daily. are you more than a tease? got me swingin' from a trapeze and not just anybody made feel like that, not just anybody sets me on fire. gotta be the one to take a risk. ain't nobody else on my list, just you."><img src="https://i.imgur.com/Q508Zwr.jpg" width="450"></a><br><br> hello, thanks for stopping by. i put together a flip book of my 2020 monthly poems & some 35mm film i've developed and been the subject for, partially for your viewing pleasure, and partially for my own catharsis. you can click & hover on the writings & pictures for some tunes if you'd like. i hope you enjoy. xo, charlotte
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24. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta4wChZ8q7Y" title="every hour of fear i spend, my body tries to cry. living through each empty night, a deadly calm inside. so i try to say goodbye, my friend. i'd like to leave you with something warm, but never have i been a blue calm sea, i have always been a storm"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/jzIL2wg.png" width="450"></a>
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28. <td><a href="#three"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
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40. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmqnS9R-KOw" title="another year around the sun, guess i've just been having fun. just another year around the sun, making it through. laying back at the end of the day, got nobody to tell, i'm okay. forgot the rules of the games we play, but that's fine. people say that i lost my mind, i've got nothing to lose, and nothing to find. they might say i'm the losing kind, but that's fine."><img src="https://i.imgur.com/Ocnxfr0.png" width="450"></a>
41. <br><br>i truly had no idea what was coming for me. but it was always meant for me.
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45. <td><a href="#four"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="4"></a></td>
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57. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vjUWSttb8c" title="the power of youth is on my mind. sunsets, small town, i'm out of time. will you still love me when i shine from words, but not from beauty?"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/dLRMuGK.jpg" width="450"></a><br><br>my creativity as a flower, it sings in full bloom, despite the grey thickets of branches that coat the forest and fill the world with gloom
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61. <td><a href="#five"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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69. <br><br>
70. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quKpQW7_89A" title="but when i looked into your sacred eyes, i was empty with no surprise. and when i wasn't so happy, i would say a prayer of old, when we were simple and fancy in that field of marigolds. i wish that i could grow up with you. i wanna see the world the way you do. i want to fall off the edge with you. i want to fall with you."><img src="https://i.imgur.com/hXEQ6DB.png" width="450"></a>
71. <br><br>"back when we were still changin' for the better, wanting was enough. for me, it was enough, to live for the hope of it all." <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/3hUxzQpSfdDqwM3ZTFQY0K?si=S8LlM6MwQ22fc57-aPov1g">?</a>
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73. <td><a href="#six"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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86. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eJ8Mrc9QGA" title="isn't it amazing? that people connect for a minute or two, one more minute with you. then you said to me, are we enemies? no, baby, we could never be. and i'm a memory, and you remember me. think about that first day, when i saw you in the hallway. and i said, i love you so much. lovesick, love you till my heart stops, love you till I'm carsick, love you till you're starsick. isn't it amazing? despite all the space in the world, i'm close to you."><img src="https://i.imgur.com/s9CM5Us.png" width="450"></a>
87. <br><br>i remember when i felt starsick, like soon it would all just be a memory, too impossible to ever reach the stars
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90. </td>
91. <td><a href="#seven"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
92. </tr></table></a>
93.  
94. <a name="seven">
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96. <td><a href="#six"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
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103. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV2OxCdukTI" title="now what the hell am i doing here? what do i deserve? i'm breaking into photographs, i'm digging in the earth. take me to the mountain top, take me to the bay. i've been here to hell and back, earth spinning backwards for a day. digging my own graveyard, for all my deadly thoughts and dreams. slowly choking my own red heart, so i can give myself to thee. leave a light, leave a little loving light on. kiss her once, kiss her twice to keep the night on."><img src="https://i.imgur.com/HMDgov7.png" width="450"></a>
104. <br><br>those early days. all those firsts. i hold them in my chest. that's where we live.
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108. <td><a href="#eight"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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113. <td><a href="#seven"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
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119. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
120. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le6_Eim7G3E" title="is it a shock when you're not on top? now you're playing my game, my game. i dusted you off, set you in motion, melted your heart with a magical potion. took a blanket of stars and wrapped it all around you. you were alone until I finally found you"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/MJcW1B9.jpg" width="450"></a><br><br>my cup runneth over with sense of metaphor, confusing and musing over various metamours. empathize time away, only heartfelt wind makes me sway.
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136. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cqErpyzQzw" title="wait, when am i gonna lose you? how will i let you slip through? careless or unkind?"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/lRMxBM4.png" width="450"></a>
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138. </div>
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140. <td><a href="#ten"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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145. <td><a href="#nine"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
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152. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFp6FsH83c0" title="just like nicotine, heroin, morphine. suddenly, i'm a fiend and you're all i need. it's you, babe, and i'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe, and i could try to run, but it would be useless. you're to blame. just one hit of you, i knew i'll never be the same"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/XDjyNhv.png" width="450"></a>
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156. <td><a href="#eleven"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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159. <a name="eleven">
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161. <td><a href="#ten"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
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163. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
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167. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
168. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ii-8I1vtSm8" title="over and over i tried, and over and over you lied, and over and over i cried. i cried, i cried, i cried, i cried"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/OndGI5m.png" width="450"></a><br><br>when no one is watching, i am observant, a considerate servant. i am mindful and thoughtful. i reflect into my own pool, narcissus at her most compassionate.
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171. </td>
172. <td><a href="#twelve"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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174.  
175. <a name="twelve">
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177. <td><a href="#eleven"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
178. <td>
179. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
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181. <table align="top" border="0" width="1px" cellpadding="0px" cellspacing="0px">
182. <tr>
183. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
184. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaq0nNXy0ak" title="i don't do well with the drama. and no, i can't stand it bein' fake. i don't believe in nirvana but the way that we love in the night gave me life, baby, i can't explain that the way you hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me feels so holy, holy, holy, holy, holy. On God!!!!!"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/iGNm1uc.png" width="450">
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186. </div>
187. </td>
188. <td><a href="#thirteen"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
189. </tr></table></a>
190.  
191. <a name="thirteen">
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193. <td><a href="#twelve"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
194. <td>
195. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
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197. <table align="top" border="0" width="1px" cellpadding="0px" cellspacing="0px">
198. <tr>
199. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
200. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AhdRYp_pdY" title="hope for something else, try to realize, as it goes on, still life, it electrifies me sometimes. as i hope for things to change, i try to keep holding on. you're a ghost now, but still life, it electrifies me sometimes"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/MUhRRIq.jpg" width="450"></a><br><br><i>“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”</i> Albert Camus<br>
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202. </div>
203. </td>
204. <td><a href="#fourteen"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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207. <a name="fourteen">
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209. <td><a href="#thirteen"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
210. <td>
211. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
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215. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
216. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXLgZZE072g" title="i rewind the tape but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost. sending signals to be double crossed. and i was catching my breath, barefoot in the wildest winter, catching my death. and i couldn't be sure, i had a feeling so peculiar, that this pain would be for evermore."><img src="https://i.imgur.com/nB24qV9.png" width="450"></a><br><br>coronavirus changed all of us. society became like a movie or a too-long netflix show that you don't understand why it keeps getting renewed when your favorites like glow & the society & santa clarita diet got canceled. it changed me, brought me closer to who i truly am and there were points where i truly thought that was too much to even comprehend. but again and again, we become anew. we adapt. we change, no matter how much we long to turn away, because we must, because we have that power. change is still coming.
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220. <td><a href="#fifteen"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
221. </tr></table></a>
222.  
223. <a name="fifteen">
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225. <td><a href="#fourteen"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
226. <td>
227. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
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230. <tr>
231. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
232. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yscu2T5WIeQ" title="i'm tired of runnin' 'round lookin' for answers to questions that i already know. i could build me a castle of memories just to have somewhere to go, count the days and the nights that it takes to get back in the saddle again. feed the pigeons some clay, turn the night into day. start talkin' again, when i know what to say"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/L4GYLoV.png" width="450">
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234. </div>
235. </td>
236. <td><a href="#sixteen"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
237. </tr></table></a>
238.  
239. <a name="sixteen">
240. <table align="center" cellpadding="5"><tr>
241. <td><a href="#fifteen"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
242. <td>
243. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
244. <lj-raw><center>
245. <table align="top" border="0" width="1px" cellpadding="0px" cellspacing="0px">
246. <tr>
247. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
248. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yewukTpVqY" title="do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything, all at once? i am one of those melodramatic fools. neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it. sometimes i give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. it all keeps adding up, i think i'm cracking up"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/lmQavtw.png" width="450"></a>
249. </td></tr></table></center></lj-raw>
250. </div>
251. </td>
252. <td><a href="#seventeen"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
253. </tr></table></a>
254.  
255. <a name="seventeen">
256. <table align="center" cellpadding="5"><tr>
257. <td><a href="#sixteen"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
258. <td>
259. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
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261. <table align="top" border="0" width="1px" cellpadding="0px" cellspacing="0px">
262. <tr>
263. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
264. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm5vDIKdlY0" title="oh, i wish you knew what i know, yeah. distractions, distractions. i'm full of distractions, distractions"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/ENo4jPl.jpg" width="450">
265. </td></tr></table></center></lj-raw>
266. </div>
267. </td>
268. <td><a href="#eighteen"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
269. </tr></table></a>
270.  
271. <a name="eighteen">
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273. <td><a href="#seventeen"><img src="https://imgur.com/MJSetUn.png" width="30" title="3"></a></td>
274. <td>
275. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px; overflow:auto;">
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277. <table align="top" border="0" width="1px" cellpadding="0px" cellspacing="0px">
278. <tr>
279. <div class="page" style="width: 630px; font-family: consolas; text-align: justify; font-size:11px; height:600px;">
280. <center><a href="https://youtu.be/ldAe5Lxm9p4" title="the further out i go, i begin to believe i was a ghost"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/8VSdQcT.png" width="450">
281. </td></tr></table></center></lj-raw>
282. </div>
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284. <td><a href="#nineteen"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/PewhH81.png" width="30" title="5"></a></td>
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296. <center><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBHild0PiTE" title="meet you for coffee at the elementary schools. we laugh about nothing as the summer gets cool. it's beautiful, LSD, normality settles down over me. i'm not bored or unhappy. i'm still so strange and wild. you're in the wind, i'm in the water, nobody's son, nobody's daughter, watching the chemtrails over the country club. suburbia, the brentwood market what to do next? maybe we'll love it. white picket, chemtrails over the country club. my love, my love washing my hair, doing the laundry. late night TV, i want you on me like when we were kids under chemtrails and country clubs. t's never too late, baby, so don't give up"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/Z02qljD.jpg" width="450"></a><br><br>wow, you made it! that's impressive! i just wanted to make a fucking book, because what else is 2020 good for? memories. i have so many of them, even if i'm sure they'll be repressed at some point, but so many of you are so many of them. thank you to everyone who made it a year that got me closer to who i want to be, the woman i am destined to become, with your words & patience & love & kindness. i have so much to be grateful for. there is so much coming. and now that we've had a moment for me, here's a moment for you. <br><br> • what's one of your best playlists of 2020? <br> • what should we name our baby? we're getting impatient! entertain us! <br> • what's a moment you want to get lost in forever? past, present, future, or make believe <br> • what's your favorite song from evermore? mine's ivy <br> • what's a habit you have? good or bad <br> • have you worshipped our lord & savior, lana del rey, today? <br> • what's your favorite song out of <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6eviq493ImPXSjP0e7ZmX3?si=Deld5RbBSKCP7oZ6TRcYcg">all of these</a>?
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