- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- oh so you went ahead with it anyway
- ATG09/16/2020
- I told you to stop several times but you insisted on continuing. You'll be let out in 3 days. Have a good afternoon or evening depending on what time it is over there.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- whatever helps you guys feel better about yourselves
- ATG09/16/2020
- Being a smartass isn't going to help you.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- by the way it shows that I can access the bot channel, I assume that isnt supposed to be the case?
- ATG09/16/2020
- No. Thank you for pointing that out, I'll fix it now.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- no problem
- also since I did you that favour, can you do me the one favour of that if people start asking about what happened to me, you not just turn it into a gossip session like people on this server like to do? like just make it straight to the point or tell them to just ask me themselves in DMs?
- ATG09/16/2020
- What's fair is fair, so noted.
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- skell got muted too??
- not wearing my glasses
- im starting to think im right
- EY SKELL first of all welcome to jail we have cookies and juice and we can have a tea party later
- second, dm me, something tells me we got some stuff to talk about c:
- dm me whenever you're awake i dont wanna dm you first and wake up you so whenever you see this just slide in my dms
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- By the way, it still shows the bot channel for me
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- shhhhhh
- nobody looks in here cause they assume im going on a angry rant
- it's like a window in the jail cell
- Miguel09/16/2020
- i'm looking in here right now lol
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- shhhhh miguel you're the cool guard
- the one who like gives us a fist bump when we walk by
- or lets us have contraband
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I dont get why its still visible
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- i wonder what the longest time you can stay in here is
- a week probably
- just call for help in the bot chat lmao
- maybe somebody will sneak us a file and we can file our way out of here
- AWWWWH DUDE YOU COULD OF BEEN A MOD AND BUSTED ME OUT
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- what?
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- id pay you back with uhh idk
- lmao
- dont worry about it
- so guys how much longer do i have in here
- also!!!! i passed my test! :D
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- nice
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- ya bitch over here with a learners permit
- gonna start driving school real soon UwU
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- thats good
- Miguel09/16/2020
- you've got about a little under 2 days left
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- yea i forgot to say the other day what was it 4 days? that's way too goddamn long
- but i dont care either way i only even looked in here today cause i saw skell got thrown in here too
- ATG09/16/2020
- You were supposed to get 5 but a previous deal cut you a day.
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- honestly, because i dont think any of you want me to message you in dms atg probably has me blocked id be shocked if she didnt im just gonna stop being active in the server because it has problems and alot of them but i wont go into that so in order to keep stress out of my life im just gonna go back to what i did before and just post art sometimes and avoid the chat
- im sure you'll all be much happier and so will i honestly so much less drama
- had no idea a simple cartoon discord server could make so much trouble lmao
- Miguel09/16/2020
- You weren't ever supposed to get 5 lol
- also just focus on what you wanna focus on if that's what you feel you should do
- Bekabee09/16/2020
- yea i have met some really nice people here
- ATG09/16/2020
- Also I never blocked you.
- Arudan09/16/2020
- Might as well quit drawing then and everything right? Since everyone here, some knd people think im trash, and everywhere else thinks im an ass.
- so why the fuck should I do my career
- and yes im gonna go there,
- seems like my rep is fucked as it is
- so whats the point LOL
- Miguel09/16/2020
- idk, I don't really know anything about your career and never said anything about it
- you can continue if you want though man
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- I haven't even been a mod for very long and even I see there's a problem (in that one situation, I mean, not overall, whatever you're talking about) Like I don't know everything that happened before, but that's not the point. That's not why you got muted, so I'm not gonna get into all that.
- Like... I can see that you're a straightforward and honest dude, sometimes brutally so. Sometimes a little brutal honesty is needed, but there's a time and a place. You just gotta exercise a little care towards others! It can't always just be tough, tough, tough
- plus those discipline jokes weren't necessary either
- Like I said before, you gotta read the room.
- Arudan09/16/2020
- this place is what grew me online
- Miguel09/16/2020
- anywho, three days
- that's all else I have to say on it
- Pablo09/16/2020
- same.
- Arudan09/16/2020
- and seeing that this is how Im treated here honestly breaks my heart
- like If I left it, it would crush me. But whatever. three days thats gonna be gone soon so k
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- im not trying to be harsh, im just trying to give advice more than anything
- Arudan09/16/2020
- ik you are
- Pablo09/16/2020
- Well honestly Arudan if you listened to what we are trying to say to you right now, everyone would be a lot easier.
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I doubt it, Ive been treated bad a lot and after I "changed" myself I still get shit
- after im unmuted, idk what to say about here at this point.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- the fuck
- Arudan09/16/2020
- mind your business
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- yall being very noisy here
- Arudan09/16/2020
- then mute it
- bye
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- you're a very pleasant person
- Arudan09/16/2020
- Im a very fed up person with here
- now piece, be back in three days ladies and gents
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- why couldnt have someone more fun been muted then I'd have someone else to hang out with
- Miguel09/16/2020
- don't worry, Beka will be back soon
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- maybe
- my time was 3 days too right? or was that subject to change?
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- sigh
- Miguel09/16/2020
- Nah it's 3 days still
- or rather 2 days at this point
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- yeah that adds up
- also I can Still see that bot channel
- is that something that just cant be fixed?
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- Do you mean bots or bot-fun?
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- bot fun
- the channel
- it shows up for me
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh~
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I could probably type in it if I tried
- but I imagine that would scare the mods
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- Boy, I dunno
- Lemme take a look
- I guess settings weren't set up since that channel is relatively new compared to the others
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- thats what I figured
- oh! its gone
- finally
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- :JennyThumbsUp:
- Miguel09/16/2020
- bruh I was over here thinking it was #bots the whole time
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- wait really?
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- Haha, you silly son of a BITCH :dededelaugh: :dededelaugh: :joy: :ok_hand:
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I dont even remember a channel called just "bots"
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- Wingnut, goofball, knucklehead mcspazzatron
- Ah don't worry about it
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- well now all there is to me is this muted channel
- as I imagine was intended
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- Indeed, indeed
- Sooooooooooooooo... I suppose yall can chat since you have each other as company?
- Or not, only if you wanna
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- well arudan doesnt like me much, especially considering they were one of the people who got me in here in the first place
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- then again i dunno if idle chit chat is allowed :shrug:
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- and beka would probably just talk to me in DMs
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- Ah that's fine as well
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- so unless some of the cool people also get muted this place will probably be pretty quiet
- Arudan09/16/2020
- you guys are right. Im not fine. Im not at all.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I gathered as much
- Nonnie Moose09/16/2020
- skell let's not please
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I just find this whole situation kinda ironic
- Arudan09/16/2020
- ive been bullied all my life, constantly dragged down. I honestly want to die. I tried back in middle school. I should of done it. All I do is push people away by my rudeness is because im scared. ALL I DO IS HURT OTHERS! ALL I DO IS HURT OTHERS! ALL I DO IS CAUSE SHIT! I WANNA.
- I cant..
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- is there someone you can see?
- like a therapist?
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I see one, but its not enough! I just wanna be heard. But im so scared
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I think right now you are in a vulnerable spot, maybe you feel like everyone is against you and you have had to lash out to survive
- Arudan09/16/2020
- Thats what the hell ive been doing!!
- my biggest fear is abandonment
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- do you think this server is having a negative impact on your health?
- Arudan09/16/2020
- no.
- Its me
- everything all my life since 2014 to now
- Like why the fuck you guys still like me? Im a piece of shit. I did this to everyone
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- This has been something many of us have been trying to get through to Arudan for a bit now, but he's been in denial about himself and what he's needed to do.
- Miguel09/16/2020
- You need to get help.
- Arudan09/16/2020
- Im scared.
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- As I said in DMs, if anyone here hated you, you'd have been gone by now... you'd have been treated like shit in general...
- Miguel09/16/2020
- We sure as hell can't help you, frankly. You need to talk to a therapist, do something to get you out of this perpetual cycle of depression
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I wish my fear didnt cause me to lose my role, piss people off and argue with you guys
- I was doing good before my depression came back
- It was doing good because I suppressed everything
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- The most we can is try to provide an escape and fun for you, and be friends online obviously, try and break these patterns, but admittance of it all is the furst step
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I shouldnt of suppressed it
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Surpression is not good.
- My friend used to do that, then it'd burst over and it'd knock them out for a month or more
- Arudan09/16/2020
- With the nsfw sketchy shit I done, the people I got together with(tmi) everything, Its just all regrets
- and I never meant any of this.
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Good, and that shows you aren't a piece of shit
- Arudan09/16/2020
- regrets I didnt admit to
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- You just need to better yourself, and your social cues
- Arudan09/16/2020
- that document thing about me I deserved that coming to me
- this is because I didnt admit it
- and I never meany any harm when I drew it. I didnt mean any form of harm
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- In the end dude we wanted to help you, because we didn't want to kick you and make things worse, it would have solved nothing
- Arudan09/16/2020
- Thats the biggest regret I have
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- I know, you've been very open about that
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I regret drawing nsfw of that stuff for money
- no clint. its been eating me up for two years
- Its my fault my KND server went down because of my actions.
- I just wanna go to town-hall or which is the right place soon and admit my actions and apologize
- I - idk what to say Im just repeating myself.
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- It's alright
- Honestly dude you've needed to get this out
- It was quite obvious in recent chats stuffs been eating at you
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I didnt like losing my mod role, I felt with that role I earned it but because I was stubborn I lost it. and made it worse. I do fine in other servers truthfully because people there hardly know me.
- This place is the only server where people know who the hell I am. and I just fucked it all up. losing the role put me in an extremely vulnerable state
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- You didnt fuck it all up
- If you fucked it all up you wouldnt still be in the server
- You made mistakes which cost you
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I cant have it back though, which upsets me
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- But it didn't cost you everything
- Dude in the state you're in, you wouldn't want it back would you?
- Arudan09/16/2020
- not now
- I have this thing where I try to finish projects otherwise I feel like I failed with my life
- Thats also whats killing me. If I dont finish stuff, I feel worse.
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Dude at this point, you would need to show us a complete turnaround for us to ever consider it again
- You're still here because we care, but we cannot in good faith give you a position of power
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I know and I agree
- Im not in a good state right now to have it
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- No you're not
- You've barely been in a good state as a general member
- Arudan09/16/2020
- thats my fault, though
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Yeah, was just saying, this is why this intervention was sorely needed
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I put myself in this position all because I didnt admit to everything. I just hate myself at this point.
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- You dont need to hate yourself you need to improve yourself, which you can
- Arudan09/16/2020
- its gonna take a few months before Im back in a stable condition.
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Then take em man, however you may need to
- Like honestly dude, you may need a social media cleanse entirely
- For a bit
- I feel like that and then seeking help from a therapist is the best course of action
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I still use twitter and insta
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- An entire sabbatical is what Im suggesting.
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I like twitter and insta. I never have issues there
- sabbatical?
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- A break
- Vacation
- You at least should probaby break from the places that haven't been healthy for you, the discord server here as an example
- Arudan09/16/2020
- its mainly this server tbh
- nothing against it
- its mainly been here
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Then break from here.
- It probably would help
- More than anything else I would think, but I would still possibly seek counseling
- Arudan09/16/2020
- I have a counselor.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- have you told them all that you have told us here today?
- Arudan09/16/2020
- no
- ive been lying saying im doing okay.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- then maybe you should tell them the truth
- they are professionally trained to help people with these problems
- something most people on discord are not
- Arudan09/16/2020
- Yeah.
- Ill see you guys maybe in six days. idk.
- I need to clear my head.
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- try to talk about this with your counselor soon
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- I dont know if six days is enough man... and yes you can't lie to your counselor
- You need this sorted and you need time
- Rushing back keeps not working
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- in fact, maybe you should ask your counselor how long you should break for
- after you have opened up about all of this, of course
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Yeah, if anyone should give you a timetable, it should be a professional, dont mandate one yourself, you already tried that... many times, it hasn't worked
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I am glad that this is being sorted out
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Same
- I also told Arudan I felt his comments when we were discussing things yesterday Skell curtailed the discussion and made it spiral much worse, one of the things I hope that you really work on Arudan is jumping into convos and not reading the room, as that's what also got you muted today
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- yeah thats true I felt really ganged up on yesterday
- Miguel09/16/2020
- yeah Skell I just wanna say that i'm sorry that event ended up how it did
- people constantly getting involved made things way worse than it needed to be so
- sorry man
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- I felt our discussion was fine when it was just us
- But it was also a public chatroom
- Eventually, peeps just kept coming in and or giving their own opinion
- I didn't expect it to actually go on that long to be fair...
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I mean it was all so much to handle, if things had been slower and less intense with so many people shitting on me I probably would have suggested we take it to DMs or something
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- My DMs are open btw
- You could have just messaged me there if you like, or for future reference
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I mean I will certainly try to do that in the future
- it really sucks, as I feel like I just had my own opinion and that lead to conflict and drama
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Yeah, my apologies again
- That really was not my intention, I'm just a person who is used to discussion and even debate, and I said the wrong thing without even really thinking about how you would take it, that part was on me and I owned it last night
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I dont think you had malicious intent at all
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Yeah no, I didn't
- I never go at someone with malicious intent... ask anyone lol
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- I guess its kinda a david vs goliath situation, where since you were the owner of the server you are in a position of power over me and most people just took your side and ganged up on me even though it wasnt a situation that called for taking sides
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- Oh trust me dude I might be the owner of the server but no one here is afraid to tell me if I'm an idiot or wrong
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- ha ha yeah I have seen that happen on occasion
- TRAFON09/16/2020
- I mean if people tell me I'm an idiot, they're normally my friend
- SkellSwelto09/16/2020
- (btw gotta do a quick scene brb in like a bit over 10 mins probably)
- TRAFON09/17/2020
- I just am asorry the whole ordeal happened, we clearly both got frustrated
- SkellSwelto09/17/2020
- alright I am back
- honestly yeah the whole situation was stupid and shouldn't have happened, and really I just got annoyed that I felt like I was being blamed for it, because it really sucks to have felt like you were being ganged up on by the whole chat and then have someone tell you that you were the one who caused all this when I was on the defensive most of the time
- TRAFON09/17/2020
- Yeah the whole thing kinda just went off the rails, I did not expect it, you had people taking sides and others who just wanted the convo to end it was a mess
- Arudan09/17/2020
- I still honestly feel people here aren't fond of me and it's my fault. It's not easy to move on like you guys tell me to do. I'm having a hard time moving on from everything. What am I gonna say or do when I come back in chat? I just wanna speak out what's wrong with me with everyone because I haven't and I just want to be heard. But I've been so afraid to speak out my issues that I ended up making some hate me, others look at me like trash. I just feel my rep here also is shit and it's my fault. I'm not okay. I'm not fine. This is hard to get over then said done
- It's eating me alive. Ptsd. I know I can't be friends with everyone, but now I'm afraid to talk because when I come in, some will think "great, arudans here..."
- Can you guys please let me speak out when I come back after break...?
- Or that's asking too much. Sorry
- TRAFON09/17/2020
- I don't see an issue with you letting people know what's up at all, but you're gonna wanna do it at a time when general isn't on some other subject as well for interruptions sake
- Arudan09/19/2020
- So uh.... Is this up?
- Arudan09/19/2020
- Is the time up I meant?
- Miguel09/19/2020
- @Arudan No, not yet
- you were muted in the evening so you'll be unmuted at around 6pm (CST)